Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
