i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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