i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
