both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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