we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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