i think my tv is drunk
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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