i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
