is your mom at the bar?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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