11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
