I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
