I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
