Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
