you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
