Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
