Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
