my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
