Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
a search helicopter?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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