I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
