Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
