Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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