He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
