grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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