How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
