sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
