You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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