I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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