I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
