Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
