So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
