WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
