My first STD was from a foam party
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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