my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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