I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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