I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
