doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
