Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize