I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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