I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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