If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
