Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
