so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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