I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Still dying that you shit outside
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
