i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
