just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
