finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
