she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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