i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
