Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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