haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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