Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
