im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
