Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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