i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
