Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
