Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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