Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
