i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
