He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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