You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
