it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
