I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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