He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
