Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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