Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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