Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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