did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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